No matter what measures parents take to monitor kids’ activity, there's always a chance they will encounter adult content online. At Common Sense, we start teaching kids in kindergarten to help them identify which websites are OK for them and which aren't. We teach them about red light websites, yellow light websites, and green light websites and that when they land on a website that isn't right for them, they should shut it down.
We also recognize that kids need to get their information from a broad variety of sources, so we recommend keeping some age-appropriate and relevant books, movies, and websites available to them. Common Sense has some great resources for parents and teachers to help them tackle this often uncomfortable issue. It’s up to us to make sure our kids’ views on sexual relationships are healthy and that they get their information from trusted sources.
6 Tips for Talking to Your Kids About Porn:
1. Start young. This is not something that can wait. Experts suggested talking to your children as early as age 8 or 9 depending on their level of potential exposure from technology and people in their lives. Talk to them in language that they understand. Set a foundation of honesty with your kids, and be honest when they ask you questions. You can answer their questions in a way that is age appropriate, but still telling the truth. This sets up a good dialogue, and your child will feel comfortable coming to speak to you in the future about the things they may see or have questions about. That goal is to be proactive, prepare them for the inevitable, and teach them strategies to deal with it.
2. Be casual. Your tone sets the stage. If you get flustered or angry at your child asking questions, they may not return to you for future questions. Approach the conversation as a teacher, or a caretaker. Your son or daughter may have already seen porn or been exposed, but discussing it calmly and rationally, you can converse over what has been seen. Don’t shame your kids for being curious about sex. Teach them that healthy sexual desire is normal, but that sex is intended to be a wonderful gift of intimacy for a husband and wife to share. Always direct kids back to God’s truths when talking about porn, namely that they can never step outside His great love for them. Let them know that even when they mess up, God wants to forgive them and give them a fresh start.
3. Let them ask questions. Your kids, like all kids, and very curious about sex. Prepare to get comfortable with not being comfortable. The more you encourage curiosity and question asking, the more comfortable they will be coming to you for answers. Not knowing the answer is also ok. Be honest and tell them “I really am not sure about that, but let’s see if we can find that answer together.”
4. Share resources and learn together. There are several porn blocking software programs and apps for computers, smartphones, tablets and other electronic devices. The two that we often recommend are “Bark” and “Covenant Eyes.” While these porn blocking tools are excellent, there is simply no way to block out every source of porn exposure for your child. The best defense is always going to be you. For additional resources, head to Josh McDowell’s website, josh.org. There are great resources for discussing sexuality and porn with your child.야한소설
5. Talk with Lutheran Family Service. Let us share even more great information and resources with you about the dangers of pornography. One of our newest presentations for churches and youth groups is the topic of pornography. Contact us through our web form to have a member of our ministry team visit your youth group or church and start the discussion.
6. Be in constant prayer. Talking these things out with God usually offers a sense of calm and helps point you in the direction you need to start. Pray for their development of a healthy and God-pleasing sexuality. Pray for good Christian influences in their friends, friends’ parents, older siblings, and other adults and children in their lives.
Most likely in the history of the world, there has never been a non-awkward conversation about pornography between a parent and child. “I had a wonderful, easy, conversation with my parents about porn,” said no kid, ever. Yet in today’s world, it’s more a matter of when, not if they will view porn. It may be accidental, or it may be on purpose, but the odds are that porn will at one time be a part of your child’s development. Surprisingly, authorities tell us that the average age a child will view internet pornography is 11 years old. Kids don’t even need to be looking for porn—it is programmed to find them. With this in mind, here are four tips for thinking about when and how we can talk with our kids about pornography.
Talk about the issue before it’s an issue. Far too many parents wait to have the conversation until after the child has seen porn. That dramatically changes the conversation. Introduce the issue early and keep it developmentally appropriate. (Remember: “It’s just a phase.”)
When children are quite young, you can say things like, “God made your body, and you are created in the image of God.” You will want to add, “If anyone ever shows you a photo of naked people or wants you to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable with your body, you can tell them to stop. You can tell mommy or daddy and we will not get mad at you.”
As kids get older, but before age 11, this is the time to have a more direct conversation. Yes, it will feel early, but prevention is always better than dealing with the issue after the fact. Because of the early sexualization in our culture, we just can’t hold off the conversations. Porn is only a mouse click away or one swipe of the phone away. Kids are confused and curious and part of your job is to give God-honoring wisdom while you shower them with understanding and love.
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